One of my biggest fears is the fear of dying and leaving my son behind like my parents did, also one of the reasons I never wanted kids. Yes, I know we all have our own destiny but my head for some reason wouldn’t let believe me that. My anxiety level used to be so high that I had to take sleeping pills sometimes.
         Second one is stress. Stress is fear and I don’t deal well with stress (I still don’t but I am working on it)  and every time something would stress me out, my survival instinct would automatically kick in. I would cut  whatever or whomever out of my life and if I couldn’t, I would totally disconnect myself from the situation that’s also the way I learned to cope with my parents death. Let me tell you, it’s no way to live and the only way to move on is to feel the pain. Seriously! I don’t think I ever really allowed myself, to feel the loss of my parents because I had to be strong for my sisters, somewhere and somehow I convinced myself  that I had to be a mother to my sisters. I don’t know how and why but I did (I still do sometimes but I am much better now, after all they are grown women haha).

         I got so tired of always being strong and having things together. I wanted someone to take over so I can be weak, I hit rock bottom and I don’t think people close to me realized how much trouble I was in. For some reason I never shared my pain with my family fearing that I would bring up bad memories for them so I kept my pain to myself. I always used to say that I am a loner but really I am not, I just never trusted anyone enough to share my weakness or pain which only came out in my solitude. I did not have a choice, the pain ripped me apart, it wasn’t  pretty and I fell into a deep depression. At one time I really didn’t think I was going to make it but God was always by my side. Everyday with every experience He is making me whole, teaching me how to let go and live from a place of faith. Since I learnt  that He longs for me, longing  for Him never leaves me for an instant~Maghribi

I’ve learned that it’s a sign of strength to be weak and having the courage to be vulnerable, even when it feels invincible, is the first step on the journey to a wholehearted life. I am still a work in progress and now when fear shows up in my life I throw bible verses at it.

Matthew 6:25 Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life 

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Shirt: Forever 21
Jeans: American Eagle
Heels: Marshall’s
Shades: H&M